Girls gotta be SEXSY on Halloween. It’s a rule. I think it might be the eleventh commandment that was just written on the other side of Moses’ tablet or something. And truly, what is sexier than the epic romance between Mr. Burns and Smithers? It’s really the Romeo and Juliet of our time. Here’s how we went about crafting our Homemade Mr. Burns and Smithers Simpsons Costumes:

Mr. Burns:
-The mask. Funny story. That was a regular old man mask we’ve had around my parents’ house since forever. After I had already transformed it into Mr. Burns, I found out that it was my dad’s college streaking mask. As in, nothing but the mask and sneakers. So that was actually pretty gross. But all great artists must suffer, so I didn’t ditch it. It used to be a full mask with lips and cheeks and whatnot, but they looked wrong, so I cut them off. The stringy gray hair was trimmed on the sides and wrapped around quilt batting in the back to create Mr. Burn’s iconic hairstyle, which has spawned so many imitators. Just look at a French Vogue some time. Very chic. Very now. I had to enlarge the eye holes to make room for the eyeballs to pop partially through. And then the whole thing was painted yellow. The face paint took to the mask just fine, so that was a relief.

-The eyeballs. Those are hard Styrofoam balls purchased at Joanne’s. I sawed off about one third, then used a large drill-bit to hallow out the insides a bit. A smaller drill-bit made the eye holes and holes for the elastic string to go through. A little black paint for the pupils, and those babies were good to go. They were super hard to see out of, but not impossible. If I could do it over, I’d make the eye holes at least a little bit bigger.

-The clothes. A little padding in a thrift store suitcoat made a hunchback. White shirt, ugly tie: also both from a thrift store. The shorts were on sale at Forever 21. The fishnets are something I think it’s important for every girl to have on hand, so those came from my sock drawer. And black heels completed my ensemble.

-Simpson’s yellow face paint. Excellent.

-The wig. It was really hard to find any wigs that looked like Smithers’ hair. We got a mullet one and cut it, but it didn’t look right. Not that what we came up with was perfect by any stretch. But we basically sewed a three-sided box of black fur from the fabric store, trimmed down on the sides. Then we spray painted it gray.

-The glasses. Those are those “nerd” coke bottle glasses with the lenses popped out.

-The eyeballs: same as above.

-The clothes: Thrift store jacket and tie. The rest came from my roommate’s closet.

And there you have it. We were a hit at every party. And we couldn’t get the yellow out of our fingernails for days. Mmmmm. “Secksy”.